I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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