I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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