now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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