I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
