apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
