WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
