All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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