Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
