Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
