sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Bring me that man meat
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize