you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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