I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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