I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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