my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
