I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
