oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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