Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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