if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
