hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
