My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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