Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
