so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
