I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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