For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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