$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
we made out on top of his cat.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
