It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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