I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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