My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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