Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
