I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
