his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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