cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
