the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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