We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
