Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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