So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
