I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
