why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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