i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
organizing the empties. That sober.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
