but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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