life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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