well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
