This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
