so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
