So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
