brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
