end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
