Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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