what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my poor anus
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
