your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
