Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
