Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
