You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
