3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
