It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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