I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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