When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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