she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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