I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize