My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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