Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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