it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
