her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
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