The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
