piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
