Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
