I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
