I am puke
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
