Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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