hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
