Jerry, you need to find god
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You made out with two different species that night
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
