if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
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